


When You Wish Upon a Star...

by Jon_and_Tonic



Series: Laser Cats: The Greatest Story Ever Told [1]
Category: Laser Cats - Fandom, Saturday Night Live
Genre: Barebacking, Bisexual Admiral Spaceship, Bisexual Nitro, Crack, Doctor Scientist is a misogynist, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Isn't Laser Cats crack already?, Laser Cheetahs, M/M, Sex change ray, Shameless Smut, laser cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:41:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jon_and_Tonic/pseuds/Jon_and_Tonic
Summary: Admiral Spaceship and Nitro wish upon a star before they head off to thwart Doctor Scientist's evil plans. Their nemesis might just be the one person who can make their wildest dreams come true.
Relationships: Admiral Spaceship/Nitro, Bill Hader/Andy Samberg
Series: Laser Cats: The Greatest Story Ever Told [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598083
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	When You Wish Upon a Star...

**Author's Note:**

> In the future, there was a nuclear war. And because of all the radiation, cats developed the ability to shoot lasers out of their mouths. Some will use the cats for good, others for evil. Who will win in a world of….LASER CATS!
> 
> ***
> 
> I just realized that in one of the episodes of Laser Cats, it is revealed that Nitro and Admiral Spaceship are actual brothers. In my story, this is not true, because, well, incest. In my version, Cyberface was lying, and they do genetic testing and determine they're not even slightly related.

Admiral Spaceship followed Nitro up the stairs, admiring the view. His best friend’s small, firm butt flexed alluringly inside his gray merle shorts. Something strange had come over Admiral Spaceship. All of a sudden he’d noticed Nitro’s juicy, pink lips, his endless legs, and his gorgeous face. Spaceship longed to kiss Nitro while looking into his steel-blue eyes and running his fingers through his glossy dark hair. It was strange, but there was no princess in any galaxy whose beauty came close to that of his own trusty Kemosabe. But Nitro definitely preferred the princesses, so there was no way it would ever happen.

It can't be the cyberflu making me feel this way – I got vaccinated already. What’s wrong with me, he wondered.

Up on the observation deck, Admiral Spaceship watched the first star light the clear Martian sky. “Look, Nitro! The first star of the evening! Make a wish on it!” Admiral Spaceship wished that someday Nitro would fall in love with him.

Nitro watched it, and wished for a wonderful, beautiful, badass woman who was also his best friend. “What did you wish for, Kemosabe?”

“I can’t tell you, Kemosabe. If I do, it won’t come true ever!”

“Oh! Well, don’t tell me, then.” Nitro’s communicator crackled to life. “A transmission from base! Yes, Base Commander!”

“Nitro, Admiral Spaceship, Dr. Scientist is at it again. He has developed a new type of laser cat with unknown properties. It is your mission to find out what this new laser cat can do and steal his plans and prototype.”

"What? Dr. Scientist has made a new kind of laser cat? No one knows what it does?"

"That's right, Nitro."

“We’re on it, Commander!”

“What do you think this new laser cat does, Kemosabe?” Admiral Spacship wondered aloud.

“I don’t know, Kemosabe. But we will find out.” 

Nitro couldn’t wait to finish this mission. It had been a while since he’d gotten laid, and he needed to let off some steam, so to speak. Admiral Spaceship is my best friend, he thought. I trust him with my life. But what if he were a girl instead?

Admiral Spaceship and Nitro snuck onto Dr. Scientist’s Evil Space Station more easily than they’d expected. “Well that’s odd,” said Nitro. “It’s almost as if he wants us here.”

“Well, I'm ready for him. I’m locked and loaded,” Spaceship said. “Got my laser cat set to stun.”

Nitro and Admiral Spaceship went through some ornate space doors and saw Dr. Scientist sitting behind his desk surrounded by…laser cheetahs? “Nitro, Admiral Spaceship, I’ve been expecting you.” He twirled his mustache and adjusted his tinfoil hat.

“I suspected something like that,” Nitro said. “Well, today is a good day to die,” he said.

Dr. Scientist laughed his most evil laugh. “Oh, you won’t die,” he said. “It’s much worse than that.”

Nitro looked at Admiral Spaceship. What could possibly be worse than death? 

“Hmmm, which one of you should I test it on first?”

Admiral Spaceship thought of all the times Nitro had put his life on the line for him. If he couldn’t be with him, at least he could show his love for him this way. “Test it on me,” Admiral Spaceship said.

“No, Kemosabe!” But it was too late. The laser cheetah looked at Admiral Spaceship and opened its mouth. A purple ray shot out and he crumpled to the floor. “No!”

Nitro checked to make sure Admiral Spaceship was breathing. Spaceship opened his eyes. “What happened? I feel different.” He sounded different too – his voice was higher. He patted his chest and his crotch. “I’m…a woman!” 

It was true! Well, that solved the mystery of the new kind of laser cat that Dr. Scientist had invented. Nitro looked at Spaceship. He (SHE, he corrected himself) now had a sexy hourglass figure, big jugs, smooth skin, full, pouty lips, and long eyelashes. She was so beautiful! How he wanted to bend her over Dr. Scientist’s desk and give her a good pounding! But first things first. “We’ll worry about that later. First, let’s defeat Dr. Scientist.”

“But you can’t defeat me, Admiral! Women are helpless!”

“I’ll show you just how helpless this woman is,” said Admiral Spaceship, aiming her torbie at Dr. Scientist and firing. He fell over like a sack of potatoes. Nitro and Spaceship took him back to their spacecraft and put him in the brig. The laser cheetahs, being wild and fast, escaped into space.

"We'll have to worry about capturing them later. We need to get Dr. Scientist back to Base so we can put him in Cyberjail."

"You're right, Kemosabe. But maybe we can catch them and change you back." Nitro really wanted to hit that, but Admiral Spaceship was a dear friend, and he cared more about her happiness than his own pleasure.

However, it was difficult. Nitro couldn’t keep his eyes off Admiral Spaceship. He wondered if her lips tasted as good as they looked. He thought about her when he touched himself when he was alone in his space-bedroom.

Base Commander was confused when they arrived back at the base. "Admiral Spaceship, is that you?"

"It is! Dr. Scientist's new invention was a laser cheetah with a sex change laser."

"That's actually not very evil," remarked Base Commander. "Many people with gender dysphoria could benefit from such an invention."

"But Dr. Scientist thinks it's evil. Remember what he said after he turned me into a woman?"

"I do, Kemosabe." 

"Good work, you two. Your next task will be to recover the laser cheetahs so we can help people with gender identity crises."

"Looks like the laser cats are out of the bag," said Admiral Spaceship.

Nitro rolled his eyes and smiled. It was good to know that some things never changed. Admiral Spaceship might have a luscious pair of cans, but she still had the same terrible sense of humor, and he wouldn't have it any other way. “Well, Spaceship, now we get to go back to Mars.”

“Yes,” Spaceship said. “I suppose you’ll go looking for girls again.”

“I don’t think I need to look. There’s one I’m already interested in. I just don't know how she feels about me.”

Admiral Spaceship’s heart sank. “Oh. Well, she’s a very lucky woman, Kemosabe.”

Nitro gave a shy smile. “No, Kemosabe, I’m the lucky one. She’s beautiful, trustworthy, badass, and I trust her to always have my back." 

"Well, she sounds amazing. How can I compete with a woman like that?" 

"You don't have to compete with anyone. It’s you, Kemosabe.” Nitro turned to her, his eyes full of love and lust.

“Oh,” said Admiral Spaceship. She stepped forward into Nitro’s waiting arms, and caught his lips in a tender, passionate kiss. He tasted like adventure and Hot Pockets, plus all the best flavors of Gatorade combined.

Nitro slipped his tongue between Spaceship’s lips. She tasted like Mai Tais, Chap Stick, and fondest wishes come true. “You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

“Oh, I think I do. Are we…going to have sex?”

“Only if you want it,” Nitro said. 

“I want it very much, Nitro.”

“I have to admit, I want it too, Kemosabe. But it will be different now that you’re a woman.”

“I know, Kemosabe. You’ll be…inside me.” She led Nitro to her space bedroom and began to undress.

Nitro watched her. “I want to touch you,” he said. 

Spacehip took Nitro’s hand and put it on her breast. Nitro was already hard, but the contact of her nips on the palm of his hand made his dick throb painfully. She gasped when Nitro pinched her nips between his fingers. “I love the way you touch me, Nitro.”

“Can I touch you…down there?”

“You’d better,” she said, gasping when Nitro found her sensitive spot. “Oh, fuck,” she said.

“Why don’t you lie down, Kemosabe?”

“I want to see you naked, Nitro. Take your clothes off.”

Spaceship watched as Nitro took off his gray shorts, his blue muscle shirt…but left his boxers on. He was beautiful – creamy white skin dusted with just the right amount of dark hair, toned muscles, long legs. He started to take his headband off.

“Leave the headband on, but take off your boxers. I want to see…it.”

Nitro blushed and obeyed. 

Spaceship’s eyes popped out. Nitro’s dong was huge, flushed dark with blood, veins standing out. “There’s no way that’s going inside me,” she said.

Nitro turned away. “See? I was right. I knew you wouldn’t like my dong.”

“No, it’s a very nice dong. I’m sure I’ll love it – it’s just that I’m a virgin, right?”

Nitro nodded. “I’ll be gentle, Kemosabe.” He reached between Spaceship’s legs and began to tease her again. “I want to kiss you there,” he said.

“Put your feet up near my head so I can do the same,” she said.

It was so strange feeling Nitro’s tongue and fingers in a way that she’d never felt before, and soon she was coming, clenching around his fingers.

Nitro, for his part, concentrated so much on pleasuring Admiral Spaceship that he didn’t come even with her deep-throating him.

“You didn’t come.”

“It’s OK, Kemosabe.”

“I want you inside me, Kemosabe.”

“I don’t have any space-condoms.”

“It’s OK,” Spaceship said. "I need you too much to care.”

Nitro knelt between Spaceship’s legs and lined up his dong with her tight, slick hole. He pressed into her. “Oh fuck, Kemosabe, you feel so good,” he said.

Admiral Spaceship sighed as Nitro began to move inside her. The sensation of Nitro’s big dong inside her felt so good it almost hurt. As he thrust, his dong slammed into a sensitive part inside of her that made her tingle. “So do you, Kemosabe,” she said. Soon the space bedroom was full of the sounds of their moans and sighs of pleasure. “Oh, God, I’m going to come soon!”

“Me too, Kemosabe,” said Nitro. “I’ll pull out.”

Admiral Spaceship put her hands on Nitro’s cute butt and dug her nails in. “No, I want you to come…inside me.”

Those words made Nitro feel so loved, so turned on that he nearly came right then and there…but he didn’t. “Come, baby, come,” he said into her ear.

Her hole clenched his dong. “Oh, fuck, Nitro, I’m coming!”

It was just in time, too. Nitro moaned as he filled Admiral Spaceship’s tight hole with his hot man-goo. “Fuck, that was incredible.” He kissed Admiral Spaceship passionately and looked into her chocolate brown eyes. He brushed back her soft, light brown curls and kissed her forehead. “I love you so much, Kemosabe,” he said.

Admiral Spaceship smiled; she felt all warm and squishy inside, and not just because of Nitro’s fresh jizz inside her. She was in love; the warm, squishiness was also in her heart. “I love you too, Kemosabe.”


End file.
